Adam Wass

I know people like to moan about boys, but I'm gonna have my go. I mean, I really can't complain because I class myself as one of the lucky ones. I'm talking about my ex boyfriend Adam. We started going out way back in Year 8, both at 13. Sounds sooo young now but it didn't feel it at the time. He'd told me he loved me within the first couple of months, and it took me a while to realise it but I loved him with all my heart back. I know you're thinking whatever theyre just kids. And I understand why you'd think that, but I know it was true and so does he. We were the "it" couple of our year until March this year, when I broke up with him just before our 2 year anniversary. Sounds cliched, but we truly did grow apart. I found my old diary the other day and every entry I just blabbed on about him and how wonderful he was. Its like that Alexander Rybak eurovision song (that I absolutely BUM by the way) "No one else could make me sadder, but no one else could lift me high above." God.

The break up went like fine, I mean I cried and that when I did it but afterwards I was fine. A lil cuddle from my mum, and off we went away for the weekend to Center Parcs. I havent even shed a tear since. It still shocks me how you can go from trusting somone with your life, being willing to die for them, feeling physically ill at the thought of being without them, to feeling numb, and looking at them and seeing a stranger. i mean i miss him. i miss his smell, his laugh, the times when we just layed together in a comfortable silence, our days out, our playfights, his baby voice, his minging feet, his family, his sense of humour...the list is never ending. his hugs are what i miss the most. damn his bear arms!

But theres also the other side of the scale. I hate how he can like other girls, how he seems to have got hotter now im not with him, how easy hes finding this, how two faced he can be, how he looks at girls as if theyre pieces of meat, how hes so insensitive of my feelings, how he uses me when needs me but then throws me away like a piece of rubbish. Why does he do this to me? What right has he got anymore to mess with me like this? He has no control over my feelings. Hes just some boy, and nobody can ever make me feel inferior without my consent. eughhhh. it makes my blood boil to think that he can affect me in this way. but dyano what? i need a clean break. no more of him calling me when he decides he wants to talk, no more using me for his frickin homework. this sounds a lot like that movie, the holiday. how can i let go if he wont let me?

thankyou bloggy. that really did help.