Technology

Technologys all great and everything until it breaks. Mines broken. My phone has broken! I feel like Ive lost an arm. arghhhhh!!!

Im feeling this strange sense of calm wash over me right now. Its nice. Calmmmmmmmm.

By the way go see the proposal. HE IS SO HOT ITS UNBELIEVABLE. i want to marry that guy. and the film is hilarious too, of course.

ciaoooo powpows. i dont know what that means its just what came to mind instinctively. gbye. xx

pics from benidorm this year btw. what a mint holiday. i miss everyone like mad.

peter, stevie, adam, laura, danielle, luke, rhys, tom, ben, zoe, carys, scott, billy, harry, reece.

Muddle

Blogger is great for getting feelings off your chest. But i dont know how im feeling. Youre probably sick of reading these, I never know how im feeling! God. Surely being a teenager can't be the best part of your life? Because if it is thats the worst news Ive had in a while. Well actually no its not. Im quite upset because 2 men from my street have died in the past few days. I didnt know them very well but I would always say hi and them the same to me. You know how most elderly folk think teenagers are the spawn of the devil? Not these guys. Especially one. Alan. I think Ill always remember him. Lived to the ripe old age of 95 with his devoted wife Elsie by his side. Not recently but before they would always be out together pottering in the garden, waving cheerily as people passed. Now thats true love. I feel so deeply for her, having to carry on without him through the rest of her days. How empty her little bungalow must now feel with the love of her entire life gone. Perhaps their story will echo that of the notebook, where their hearts and souls are so perfectly entwined that they die during the same night, one simply unable to live without the other. My heart aches for her in this time.
The Notebook. Another thing that stirs a painful memory and a sea of emotions. The first time I watched it, I was with Adam. I watched it on Valentines Day (no, i dont know why either looking back) while he was on holiday in Egypt. Everyone was in bed, blissfully unaware of my tears, and there I sat on my bed clutching his photo and crying like I would never see him again. Oh how those days were when I was madly in love with him. Then came the time when I actually watched it with him. Only a month or two before we broke up, we watched it in the dark in this very place on my bed where Im sat right now, except we were under my blanket (its too warm and summery to need it now so its all folded away in my closet). I bawled my eyes out when THAT song came on. Ill Be Seeing You, youll know the one i mean if youre familiar with the film. There I was soaking the front of his t-shirt with my tears while he giggled at me. "But Lucy, its a happy ending! They stay together forever. True soulmates. That'll be me and you in 70 years time you know." Oh goodness me. Thats typical adam all over that one. He can be an absolute arse at times but boyyyy he's the sweetest guy alive if he cares for you.
I know Im usually bitching about him, but weve talked things through, and I hope, i PRAY that this time things really will be okay. Its been a rocky road and Adam Wass, you know ill always have a space in my heart for you, and ill probably always love you too. But lifes a bitch, it pulls and pushes you down paths you dont wanna take. Although we did choose this one. And i dont want it to sound like i have regrets because i dont, but these past few days have really been an eye-opener. Ive ripped open old wounds that I thought were eternally sealed and Ive done things I never thought I could do. Guilt hurts.
Missing people hurts too. Have you ever missed someone so much it physically hurts? I have. I havent talked to him in so long. I miss his accent, his smell, his expressions. He doesnt even care. And now I have another person to ache for. You know when you connect with someone so well you could talk allnight? Even longer in this case. I miss his rainbow pumps, his hugs and his bad habit of saying like too much. You promise eachother youll see eachother again, he cries when I leave. But promises fade. Even feelings fade over time. I think theres hope for this one though.
The problem with this blog is that I cant always mention names because I dont know whos reading this. It could, quite literally, be a potential disaster if this got into the wrong hands. Maybe ill make me a new lil bloggy as Becks is doing. Although i do feel pretty connected to this one. Arrrrrrrrrrrr. I HATE missing people.
Ive been thinking. Ive got my mood down to a mix of these several emotions:
Sadness.
Guilt.
Confusion.
Tiredness.
Dread.
Missing people.

Confusion is the main. Why is this happening to him of all the people? Why do the nicest people always end up in the worst, most cruel unfair situations? Why does no one else except me see the good side of him? Why did I do it? Will I ever see him again? Is he with his girlfriend now? Did he meet a new girl this summer? Will things ever be the same again? Why do boys mess everything up? Why can't everything be simple? Why, why, why.........
Goshhh. i do feel a little bit better now after venting this out. I just wish I had a guardian angel to sort out all of my problems and sort this mess out. And the worst thing is that it is all entirely my fault.
Lucy Barnes. Thats meeeeeee.
AW. JA. HH. PS. Thats them. Why?

anyway, goodbye. i need to go scream into a pillow.

Why

You know we moan and moan about things being wrong with our lives every day but we dont realise that theres so many things bigger and more important than our stupid little worries. I dont know how im feeling right now. I just dont feel like talking to anybody, dont feel like doing anything, its like im in this strange sort of existence that i cant explain. Have you ever just sat on a bench in the middle of a busy heaving street and detached yourself from reality? I have. I recommend it. Its such a surreal emotion to just be there, in the midst of all the chaos, and yet nobody notices you. Theres something sad in life that we walk past thousands of new people every week yet we never even throw a glance at some of them. They could be our future husbands, future stars, future idols. But yet when a few years down the line they're walking down the red carpet, we will never have known that we have seen them before pottering around in their day to day lives. Likewise, that little old man you walked by the other day? You dont know when hell die. Someone walks into your life briefly and then disappears, with barely even a hint of a chance that theyll come back. Like a whisper lost on the wind. "Ive been alone when surrounded by friends. How could the silence be so loud?"
Im not as good at this pouring out my emotions thing as some people, but there are so many thoughts running around my mind that I dont feel I can write them all in this mere space - theres no space big enough in the world to accommodate them. Every time I feel everythings going right, something comes along and whacks me right back to where I started.
And im so frustrated with myself because I know I have a good life, I know i cant complain. But when its something like this I dont know how to cope.
ohhhhhhhhhhhh goddddd. this still hasnt got rid of them

At school

YO people of the world. Im in science right now wahey. With Josh Becks Brownie and Georgeeeeee. I need to learn how to type. Slipknot are rubbish by the way just so everyone knows. People who just scream instead of singing are not artists. Hint hint bring me the horizon. Ive come up with my top 5.

ELLIOT MINOR
ENRIQUE IGLESIAS
GO AUDIO
PARAMORE
MCFLY.

God i have no life. this is unbelievable. anyway im off now bye.
ciaoooooooooooooooooo. adiosssssssssssss.

Trek de doodle dum

Well.
Ive never appreciated sitting down before i tell you that now.
Everything i want to say is already penned on susies internet space. SEQUIN. google it and laugh at our misfortune peeps.
I have to say now ive got home, had homemade lasagne (HEAVEN ON EARTH) had a long soak in the bath, scrubbed a dubbed at myself and laid on my bed and had a power nap (lolness danielle) im feeling a million times better, and i look back and i actually did enjoy it. even tho now im paying for it with this bastard blister which im dancing on tmoz night. grrr
anyway wish me luck little pallies for the summer performance, as dread is now beginning to course its way through my bloodstream. i hope that evil spider doesnt come back to me in my snozzle land dreams tonight.
pip pip!

Starstruck

ELLIOTMINORELLIOTMINORELLIOTMINOR

Me and ED

Me and ALI

Me and TEDDY

Me and DAN

Me and ALEX!!

I never really understood what that felt like. I cant explain how i feel right now because i truly dont think any words could describe it. To have followed someone, from your own hometown, since the very beginning 2 years ago, and know when they got signed and when their first album was recorded, and then to see them LIVE in their own hometown is amazing enough. But to actually meet them, to hug them, to be talking to them, for them to sign your shoes!!, is out of this world.

I remember the first time I saw them. We were stood near their tour bus and then out came Alex Ed and Ali who just walked straight past us. Alex was in his pyjamas! They were within metres of us. Butterflies were raging inside me and i was literally frozen to the spot. I decided I HAD to meet them.

The first one I met was Teddy. He was stood near the bus later on in the afternoon, and he signed my shoe. i remember exactly what i said "excuse me, this may sound a bit strange but please can you sign my shoe?" he just went "yeah, sure" and got down ON THE GROUND AND SIGNED MY SHOE!! gosh gosh gosh. throughout the day i got the rest of the autographs and signatures, i waited backstage for eds and alis. oh my god oh my god i get butterflies thinking of it now. and then when they performed... WOW.

You know, their lyrics are beautiful. Have you actually ever listened to a song? Like really listen, let the music take you over. I can do that with every one of their songs. Alex has such a hauntingly beautiful voice...not easy to achieve. Their music stirs something inside me i didnt know was there until i heard them. Right now i want to meet them again so much it hurts, but what can i do eh? i cant wait until their new tour after this summer one. oh my gosh i love them.

you know what? this one girl once actually had a go at me when she found out i liked elliot minor. apparently im not emo enough. and you know what? that shows how pathetic one person can be. i am aware that i dont look like your typical rocky emo style type fan. and im not entirely, i mean i adore enrique and jason mraz. but who cares? im sure they themselves arent complaning about what theitr fans look like. in fact, i know that definitely because they didnt refuse to have a photo with me did they? no, they were lovely and friendly and amazing. i showed alex to the beer tent! and the thing i still cant believe actually could happen to me is that alex looked at me 3 TIMES when he was singing. actually looked deeply, intensely into my eyes for like 2 whole lines each time. i couldnt believe my luck. i was only 2 lines back from the stage. in those few moments i felt on top of the world, i felt as if anything was possible.i was elated in every way possible, clinging onto those few seconds, ones i will never ever forget in my entire life. oh yeah ill still have my band shirt on in my 90s haha lol.

i could talk about this forever but i seriously do not know how to describe how much i love them. i mean ive seen all of their webisodes and video blogs i dont know how many times but now ive decided to watch them all again from scratch. they are seriously so funny! i mean it just shows theyre all normal lads in their 20s from york, all pretty well spoken and majorly talented. i could have walked past them in the street! i love how their songs have the team of emo rock and classical to create that unique sound which only they could achieve. and their image.

my gosh my gosh

i think im gonna go watch one of their blogs now. guys, i seriously couldnt feel any better at this moment in time. i am the luckiest girl alive.

Lists

I dont really know what to talk about really. i am such a pig.

just watched good old hollyoaks. i have it on series recording on the box so i dont miss it. my friend katy met amy at the clothes show. OMG! im actually a bit of a tv addict which is sad of me. i watch:

ugly betty

krod mandoon and the flaming sword of fire

psychoville

hope springs

personal affairs

ladette to lady

hollyoaks

thats actually all thats one at the mo that i like. as if 90210 has just finished! LOL. i dont have much to say at all tonight, dont feel like ranting, dont feel like blabbing about crap (although in theory i suppose that is actually what im doing). i feel like making lists peeps. so i shall make another one to entertain your little brains. here is what is coming up in the coming 2 weeks (wahoo, crap.com and thank god in equal measure here guys and gals) :

dance show

york carnival (and elliot minor!)

english roms and jules assessment

duke of ed expedition

flamingo land

yet another dance show

benidorm!

party in the park

jess campout thingg

london

dance summer school

theyre what i can remember anyway...oooo im so nervous for the dance show on friday its not even funny. im shitting it. the costumes are terrible. and i know for an actual fact that havent stopped dancing, lollipop, tears of a clown and gloria are gonna go terrible. oh screw that im nervous for all bloody 15! fingers crossed dancing in london shall occur!

i shall bring the goss from all these brillopads events. and yey book 10 has officially landed! ooooooer. ;) ciao for now powpows.

ps ps ps. the pictures in an old dance costume. its me trying to look cool and failing. dismal.